"That’s all I’m hearing is control. Why? Why me?"
The room darkens. Lights dim out.
"Ahhh. Get it the FUCK out of my head!!!"
Slowly faints…wakes up from dream.
Panting….why is this happening to me? Why now?
This was the last part of my dream I had a couple weeks ago. It was basically me losing myself. Control of myself. I was panicking as you can see in the text above. Didn’t know where to go. I felt like I was trapped between a rock and a place. There was no way out. I couldn’t handle the fact that I could lose myself in a dream.
Now I know what you’re thinking. Oh come on Anthony. Not another emo post. Not at all. Strictly me explaining the control of demons and how demons work. Oh…did I say demons?
Yes I did actually. It’s a term that most of us use because demons are a bad thing. It’s something that we all have and most of us can’t control them. It’s not easy. It never was meant to be easy to get rid of them. It takes time and lots of effort to get rid of them. Here’s how they work.
Demons are something that we have either an addition, obsession, fear, etc. towards. And with that, it honestly is one of the most important parts that makes us who we are. Sad to say but it’s the truth. The reasoning for that is because of things that we have dealt with in the past. Speaking from my last post about the past, it’s something that reflects on who we are.
Demons may contain of bottled up feelings. Say if you had feelings towards someone that you wanted to let out for so long, but demons such as bad past experience, being scared or anything that keeps you from telling that person your feelings because demons are holding you back. Those bottled up feelings that you may have now will definitely affect your future.
Demons may have additions or obsessions, but the main cause of that is fear. With fear playing a big role for trying to control your demons, it’s hard to get rid of. The fear of losing someone because of your addiction problem to drugs and alcohol is a great example, especially with a married couple. It’s like love. It can make or break you. That’s how fear works and that’s how demons work.
To control them is not a simple task. Like I said earlier, it takes time and effort to seize your demons. Some completely go away and some may come back. It’s your decision to keep them or destroy them. Though some demons are harder than others, of course it depends on the person and their situation. With that comes control. Knowing your limits is key. There are some who don’t have limits, but will one day be there downfall.
To end it here, the dream I had was a nightmare of an experience gone bad. I was lock in and I couldn’t control myself. Everything that I bottled up ever since I was a kid got to me. All of them clashed on me. From my fears, my addictions, to the people that I hurt in the past. I sincerely apologize to those who I’ve hurt. It was all clashing in. I didn’t know what to do. All I heard in my head was control but I couldn’t control myself. The things that make me depressed and angry were turning me into this monster that would destroy everything. Eyes shot red. Whole body was dark. At the end of the dream, all I did was roar in fear. Wondering if there was anybody out there to save me. But it wasn’t. To think about this quote in my dream was depressing. “Sometimes the one who makes everyone laugh and brings joy to the crowd is sometimes the one that’s standing in the lighting storm alone, sad and depressed.”
That concludes this post. Hope you all learned from this experience I’ve told you about. Thank you for reading.