Fig Newton

Origin of Fear

Tue, 22 May 2012 16:21:57 -0400

Fear.

One lost of millions. Drowning as the night ends. It is a mark of territory. A dictator to your own being.

There’s not one person that doesn’t have it. Not one. They can’t deny the impossible.

Dark secrets. Screaming nightmares. Dangerous pasts. There’s always something to hide. Some may know it and some may not.

The being inside tells more than most. As it is hard to see physically, but easy to read mentally.

To defeat fear or to be fear? Some can control like most can not.

The Origin of Fear. The beginning of new heights and lows. It is what we are made from.

There’s a demon inside all of us. The question is: how do you control?

- Hero: Origin of Fear

Coming early 2013

A New Beginning

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 19:33:34 -0500

An grateful lost was had. A great person who we all looked after. Who we all wanted back to the way she was…but that wasn’t a guarantee or promise. She fought her way back to the top, but the body stopped as soon as it said, “it’s time to go.”

I came back from college due to my failures, but came back at the right time. Mom needed aid and so did my grandmother. An aid of hope. I went to the hospital and spoke, “Hey nana!!”….but it was pure silence. No response. No movement. I felt like I already lost her.

Pop pop kept saying she would get better. He was looney. Though I understood why he kept saying those words….he didn’t want to lose her. That reminded me of how I felt about a special someone I love….and it seems like I might lose her forever if I don’t get things straight….but I’ll let time do the talking.

My pop pop’s will and drive to get nana back and nana fighting to stay alive…so that our family would be happy…told me something about myself and the lovely people around me…we were selfish. Things happen for a reason and that reason we should let happen. It’s not a promise everyday that we are here, but it’s a guarantee that we can make an effort to live.

And that is what nana wanted us to do…to live our lives. To not worry about her because she’ll be ok. Her spirit will live on through our hearts. And that leads to a new beginning.

A beginning of what we’ve lost after all these years. The perfect moment is now. To bring back what was lost. A new beginning where we are not alone as we hold hands….and walk through the storm.

R.I.P. Nana. You’re safe now.

Memories Are Forever

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 06:26:32 -0500

The art of thinking. Most have wasted and most have succeeded.

Memories…nothing more than a starting line to never ending cycle of hopes, dreams and what we remember from past, present and how we move on to the future.

Memories…what we remember that has driven us to be the person that we are today. What made us weak. What made us fall. What makes us stronger. What makes us invincible.

Memories…a good time that was once forgotten but wish we could have back. The days where we had fun ever through the worst times. The days where we thought that our lives are beginning to fade. The days where we began to seek help because it’s a desperate call for aid. The days where we began to forgive others and most importantly, ourselves.

Memories…are a new beginning of something to explore. New friends, new hobbies, new adventures and new family.

Memories are when we’ll call for aid when the ones that were there when needed the most.

Memories are never forgotten. Memories are forever.

…I wish I could have those back…

Today's The Day We Succeed

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 01:24:01 -0500

Our lives are difficult. No matter what the person. Different history, different causes, different people, same effect.

Difficulty and impossible come to ease with what we are made of. Difficult and impossible is just practice.

Something that drives us to our goal is something worth fighting for. Our free will. What we are capable of.

What does such a thing is our failures. But maybe it’s a good thing.

We calculate our failures and we put them in this giant crystal ball of the past. As of seeing this, it’ll eventually teach us of what we can learn from it. And with that, we can finally say that today is the day we will succeed.

The War Within Me Pulls Me Under

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 00:27:33 -0500

War.

Man vs. Man. Man vs. World. Man vs. Self.

War is based on these conflicts. Not just the guns or combat moves that you see on TV and video games, but within our inner being. It’s something that we either fight against or fight for.

I’ve fought my war for many years. Dealing with stress for the past 3 years.

School.

Lost of employment.

Family.

Lack of self.

It hurts but there’s nothing better in the world to make the best things out of yourself, finding a great place to live, living the dream you wanted, being with the person you liked for a long time, making the people you love proud. But I haven’t done either of those…..

…but I haven’t given up either. In my heart, the war still goes on.

I’m in a difficult stage in my life right now. I’m going through a lot but it’s a stage I would eventually run into.

The war within me pulls me under…but not for long.

Nana, you don’t have to be strong for me anymore. It’s my turn now…

What's in your mind?

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 04:58:11 -0400

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adjlkd;ada;jdlkj and so what do you think is in your mind?

And then there was silence. As the man sat down in his seat, confusion was sensed throughout the room. No one understood him as he looked at himself in disappointment. The professor didn’t know what to say. Dead silence of confusion.

“But that’s how the mind works right?” as a bright young woman asks him the question. “The mind can sometimes be consisted of dead silence and confusion.”

“Why yes. The mind is set to have many things at once that most of us can’t control. Bad memories or nightmares, day dreams, possibilities of the future. Things of that nature. That’s why the mind can be a big confusing space of dead silence.”

As she was impressed, they seen eye to eye with each other and started to talk and get to know each other more.

Wondering why I put this scene in here? One, it’s made up, but it relates to me a lot. The mind can be confusing, but can be set straight. It’s a path of growing. Knowing what to do, feel, think or believe. Those are part of the mind. Some make dumb decisions because of confusion and some, honestly, make good decisions because of confusion. Strange right?

But what they say is true. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

What’s in my mind? Just me thinking about something special. Hope you enjoyed my post. Have a good night.

The Lost That Was There....

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 05:23:19 -0400

Admit it. We all had something or someone that we were dear to but never paid attention to it. Things that were valuable, people that were dear to you, the person that loved you but you never loved them. It’s a factor of life that all of us can comprehend one way or another. It’s like trust. Something that we destroy can not easily be rebuilt. It’s a gaining attribute that could be pummeled in a matter of seconds from words, but mostly actions. And once we lost something, we look back. Some don’t, but a lot do.

The Lost is something that could go different ways. Some may be good and some may be bad. But I believe that it’s mainly good. Something lost that we search on and on for it’s definitely worth fighting for….or so it seems. It depends on the person. And many possibilities that could happen in the wake. There are the people that rush for it. Wanting it like it’s their last grasp. Like having the hunger for more. There are also people who wait and let time do the talking. Patience is the key here. Either way, both work in different ways.

Life’s a mystery. Anything can happen. We learn to forgive, but not to forget. The most important thing is to forgive yourself first. Forgiving yourself is the ability to be able to forgive others. There are many possibilities that could happen. Just need to learn how to deal with it when the time comes. The Lost is hard to find, but will be there if they know you’re worth going back to. I think of it as an opportunity that should be taken at any cost. Something that could be worth your life I think is a great attribute towards an human being. Who are we the right to judge someone that is willing to go for something or someone that is worth the world?

As I dealt with many past experiences dealing with the lost of many great friends that I had, I think to myself everyday, “Is this worth fighting for?” In my situation, I believe so. Don’t know what will happen. Either if it’s good or bad, it’s a learning experience. I know now what not to do later. There are many great people that are dear to me. I love them very much. I also have someone that is very dear to me. I hope that her and I can gain back The Lost that we had together. I miss the old times that we had and hopefully one day, they will be regained. I’m here for her. If you’re reading this, I just want to let you know that you’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met. All I want for you is to be happy.

Sometimes I thought I was that one guy that was bringing joy to the room but ended up being alone in the thunderstorm……..

…..but not anymore.

The Lost That Was There…..a title that I was thinking of naming the book I’m currently writing. It’ll be done by the end of this year. If anyone is interested, please let me know and it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all for reading this post. This is Figgy signing out…

Control and Demons

Wed, 27 Jul 2011 02:12:06 -0400

“Control. Control.”

“That’s all I’m hearing is control. Why? Why me?”

The room darkens. Lights dim out.

“Control. Control.”

“Ahhh. Get it the FUCK out of my head!!!”

“Control. Control.”

“Ahhhh!!….”

Slowly faints…wakes up from dream.

Panting….why is this happening to me? Why now?

This was the last part of my dream I had a couple weeks ago. It was basically me losing myself. Control of myself. I was panicking as you can see in the text above. Didn’t know where to go. I felt like I was trapped between a rock and a place. There was no way out. I couldn’t handle the fact that I could lose myself in a dream.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Oh come on Anthony. Not another emo post. Not at all. Strictly me explaining the control of demons and how demons work. Oh…did I say demons?

Yes I did actually. It’s a term that most of us use because demons are a bad thing. It’s something that we all have and most of us can’t control them. It’s not easy. It never was meant to be easy to get rid of them. It takes time and lots of effort to get rid of them. Here’s how they work.

Demons are something that we have either an addition, obsession, fear, etc. towards. And with that, it honestly is one of the most important parts that makes us who we are. Sad to say but it’s the truth. The reasoning for that is because of things that we have dealt with in the past. Speaking from my last post about the past, it’s something that reflects on who we are.

Demons may contain of bottled up feelings. Say if you had feelings towards someone that you wanted to let out for so long, but demons such as bad past experience, being scared or anything that keeps you from telling that person your feelings because demons are holding you back. Those bottled up feelings that you may have now will definitely affect your future.

Demons may have additions or obsessions, but the main cause of that is fear. With fear playing a big role for trying to control your demons, it’s hard to get rid of. The fear of losing someone because of your addiction problem to drugs and alcohol is a great example, especially with a married couple. It’s like love. It can make or break you. That’s how fear works and that’s how demons work.

To control them is not a simple task. Like I said earlier, it takes time and effort to seize your demons. Some completely go away and some may come back. It’s your decision to keep them or destroy them. Though some demons are harder than others, of course it depends on the person and their situation. With that comes control. Knowing your limits is key. There are some who don’t have limits, but will one day be there downfall.

To end it here, the dream I had was a nightmare of an experience gone bad. I was lock in and I couldn’t control myself. Everything that I bottled up ever since I was a kid got to me. All of them clashed on me. From my fears, my addictions, to the people that I hurt in the past. I sincerely apologize to those who I’ve hurt. It was all clashing in. I didn’t know what to do. All I heard in my head was control but I couldn’t control myself. The things that make me depressed and angry were turning me into this monster that would destroy everything. Eyes shot red. Whole body was dark. At the end of the dream, all I did was roar in fear. Wondering if there was anybody out there to save me. But it wasn’t. To think about this quote in my dream was depressing. “Sometimes the one who makes everyone laugh and brings joy to the crowd is sometimes the one that’s standing in the lighting storm alone, sad and depressed.”

That concludes this post. Hope you all learned from this experience I’ve told you about. Thank you for reading.

Me :)

Thu, 14 Jul 2011 15:32:23 -0400

Me :)

Forgive Me for My Heart Being Truthful

Thu, 14 Jul 2011 00:42:02 -0400

What is the past? Is it our nightmares that we have every night or the dreams that we wish we could of fulfilled? What is forgiveness? Is it the word we use to get away from the pain or is it just there for you to tell someone you’re off the hook? The two words have been stuck in my head for ages now and I felt the need of expressing it as my first post on tumblr.

The first thing I want to express is about the past. Most people I think rely on the past to make the decisions they see fit. Don’t get me wrong; the past is sometimes a good thing to rely on. For example, bad decisions that you made in the past may affect a different outcome towards the present and your future. That is a good thing to learn from a.k.a. personal experience. The good side of it is for SOME people. MOST people rely on the past for bad reasoning. Mostly that people rely on the past deals with the word I come to see very often these days….pain. Pain is something that we all have and had. It’s something that I think keeps us going. It’s like love. Something that we can’t live without because it makes us who we are. I’m not saying that pain is a good thing, but a motivating factor. Without it, like love, we are nothing. No pain. No glory.

The past sometimes reflects on forgiveness. It changes the way we seek, feel and believe. It’s something that for some of us to use towards someone that has hurt us in the past. It may be easy for others, but it’s harder than that. Trust me. I’ve been through it. Not just me but all of us. At one point and time, we had someone that was dear to us and then in the long run crushed us as we were vulnerable. To trust somebody is a hard factor, especially for me. Without trust, there is no hope for having a relationship with the love of your life or the friendship with you’re best friend. Unfortunately for me, these happened at the same time. But in the end, I knew what needed to be done in order for me to keep both of them. I needed to forgive. Sure I was down for a couple of months, but through those months, I became stronger than ever. And with that forgiveness, it changed my outlook of life.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Why am I posting this? This is me speaking from my heart. This is something that I felt I needed to get off of my chest. Something that I should of done a long time ago. And now, I’m better than ever. Past and forgiveness have been flowing through my head through out this whole month. So I decided to write about it. Forgive me for my heart being truthful. And so as I’ll do for every post that I deliver, I make a quote, but for tonight, it will be 2 quotes. Something for me and all of you who are reading this tonight to think about.

“The pain from any kind of incident can be healed no matter what…but not all of it. Some of that pain remains inside you to remind you where you come from and who you are. And with that, it’ll only make you stronger.”

“Love is the one that breaks us the most but keeps us moving. Without love, there is no future.”

Thank you for reading this post. Have a good night.